One thing I have to keep reminding myself is that no matter how bad you feel; you won’t feel that way forever…the pain will pass; that’s where the faith comes in. Case in point, I felt really awful yesterday; so many uncomfortable feelings and memories. So, today I spent a considerable amount of time pondering, meditating, and praying; particularly on my eternal value and worth. I recognize that’s where my healing has to start; at the very core of who I am and my relationship with Heavenly Father.
When I hear astronomers talk about the millions of galaxies that are beyond our own, I get this overwhelming feeling of claustrophobia–like I can’t breathe; which is weird considering we’re talking about the vastness of space. But the claustrophobia is accompanied by a sense of panic. And the questions comes: if there is a God, how in the world would He even know, much less care about me–a speck that is smaller than the tiniest atom amidst all those galaxies? I mean if He really DID care about me, why didn’t He stop all those horrible experiences from my childhood? I mean that really is the bottom line isn’t it?
So as I spent this time with myself praying about my relevance to God, the cloud of uncomfortable thoughts and feelings lifted, and I felt this quiet peace settle over me. I believe that I have a Heavenly Father that hears and answers my prayers. Not always right away, but I know the answers will eventually come. Today answers began to come, particularly as I considered my place in the eternal scheme of things. It’s hard to explain exactly how I knew I was getting answers; it was kind of in my mind AND in my heart–both at the same time. And the answer was this mind, heart feeling that I am loved; I always have been loved, and always will be. And not only loved but VERY important to God because I am HIS daughter. As far as why did He let the awful nightmare stuff happen? It’s because people get to choose what they’re going to do…right or wrong; and often in this life we ARE impacted by other people’s choices. That sounds pretty simplistic, but that’s also the bottom line. Yes that stinks…it stinks A LOT… particularly when you’re on the “receiving end” of somebody else’s violent, perverted choices. BUT what doesn’t stink, is the fact that God is perfect, and His plan for His children is perfect, and that’s where Jesus Christ comes in. His dying for me doesn’t just work when I need my sins forgiven; His sacrifice is also there to pick up the pieces of what’s left of me, after I’ve been annihilated by pain, grief, and despair…so from the depths of my soul I express my gratitude to my Heavenly Father who sacrificed His Son in behalf of us…in behalf of me…because I know I really do matter in the Grand Scheme of things!
The Survival Scripture of the Day:
To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified. –Isaiah 61:3
Yes, today I can keep going…
The Faith to Survive 